• Our Artwalk isn’t happening tonight. Well, it’s happening, but not at my store. The artist was in a car accident. I’m glad I won’t have to stay here until 9 tonight, but it’s too bad about his accident.
• My ex is “seeing someone” and I’m very happy for him. Really!
• I have to write press releases, and I don’t wanna. I don’t know  how and I just want a formula to use, but there isn’t one. Ack.
• There is a radio station that has played the theme song to Welcome Back Kotter two days in a row. There should be laws against that.
• I have four million things to do at work, but my brain doesn’t want to focus on any of them. I need brainless work today. Searching the internet and gathering crap that I’ll look at later kind of work. Not writing press releases and designing postcards work.
• I love my puppies, and I’m going to do some heavy-duty grieving when the time comes that I don’t get to see them every week.
• I had a very nice lunch with Ms Monkey today. I love my friends. This divorce has really made me realize who my true friends are, and I cherish them even more than I did before. There aren’t very many, but they make up for it in awesomeness.
• I must get revised button pics uploaded, so I can start Etsying them at some point. Too much to do!

I’m actually at work right now, so I can’t write much, but I wanted to check in and let y’all know that I’m surviving.

I am The Marketing Department. I guess I need to learn about marketing now. Right now my priorities are to create a marketing plan, to get hooked up in various social networking avenues, (re)design a promotional postcard, and find ways to tap into the LGBT market.

So, basically, I’m getting paid to surf the web and learn about marketing. And figure out Facebook and MySpace. Hopefully, I’ll actually be able to implement stuff soon. Having a company email account will help. As will reading the 32 books I have checked out from the library.

At some point, I’ll be helping to design the new e-commerce site, and write item descriptions, and figure out cross-promotional stuff and participate in the ArtWalk, but for now, I’m just soaking up knowledge. It’s definitely overwhelming, but it’s good. I’m using my brain for the first time in a long time (at least related to work), and it feels good.

In other news, I have a billion buttons ready to be photographed and listed on Etsy. I have a handle on shipping costs, and how I’ll list the buttons. I just have to get a chance to do it.

Oh, and I have to start working on the Zonta newsletter, which I’m the new boss of. The June issue will be my first, and I’m redesigning the whole thing to suit my whims, so I have to start thinking about that soon.

Now, if only my house would sell, my life would be right on track.

So, to sum up, I’m quite busy right now. Lots of things swirling around in my brain, making me slightly nutty. Whee!

Sadly, the only thing I’m going to miss is my laptop. I’ve grown very attached to my sweet little laptop, with its wireless internet and Adobe Creative Suite and all my favorite setting just right.

But it’s a small price to pay to be out of here and moving on to something that might actually be fun and stimulating and challenging and interesting and not requiring a logo-embroidered polo shirt and name-tag.

Wheeeee!

So, the saga.

I had the interview, and I thought it went really well, and it seemed like she was impressed by me. After meeting the owner, seeing the store, getting sniffed by her puppies, and hearing more about the job, I fearfully bantered about the term “dream job.” So much variety, and a store filled with goodies that I’d actually like to own if I could afford it, and a boss who seems friendly and laid back.

She told me she’d wait until she returned from a week-long trip to make her decision, so I hunkered down for the long haul. The waiting was killing me. The more I thought about it, the more I desperately wanted this job. I couldn’t stop bouncing and twitching. I threw myself into button-making in a futile attempt to stop obsessing.

Then, on Monday night, I had a girls’ night scheduled with Savannah and Ms. Monkey. I was looking forward to the distraction, or the chance to ramble on and on about the job until my fellow girls’ nighters slapped me silly.

I was to pick up Ms. Monkey at her work. I was running a little early, so I called her when I exited to tell her I’d be there in about 10 minutes. Ten minutes later, I picked her up. In the interval, I got the call, was offered the job, and very nearly peed my pants in glee.

Before the drinking began, after we were back at my house, I had to email the store owner to get some more details, because in my glee I’d neglected to nail down certain vital details, like medical insurance and whether this was actually a full-time job. I knew I couldn’t really accept the job if it didn’t include benefits, so I was once again on edge, waiting to hear from her.

That night, we played the Electronic Drinking Game of Life until the wee hours of the morning. Then, on four hours of sleep, I returned to work to fret and await the email that would seal my fate.  

I finally got the reply about mid-day, telling me that there were indeed benefits, and that it was a full-time job (although she hadn’t initially planned for it to be, but I’d convinced her I had enough varied abilities to fill my time – yay me!).

Shortly thereafter, hardly able to stifle my ridiculous clown smile, I went into my supervisor’s office, closed the door, and told her I found a new job. It went very well, with her advising me how to submit my letter of resignation and wishing me luck.

So, my last day is the 18th, and I start the new job on the 23rd.

Wheeeee!

For those of you who remember my previous post about the three jobs coming along all at once, this is the third one. I think I’ll be Employee #4 or 5, behind the owner, a bookkeeper, and someone who works at the store part-time. Another person’s getting hired at about the same time as me – someone with more retail experience and knowledge, but interested in learning marketing with me. Apparently, I am now in Marketing.

I don’t know what my job title will be yet. The job listing that I responded to called it a Marketing and Events Coordinator. The job will involve a wide variety of tasks, such as:

• Design an e-commerce website with the help of a coder
• Write ad copy, website copy, and item descriptions
• Possibly create and maintain an e-newsletter
• Seek out free and low-cost publicity/advertising opportunities
• Set up a blog or two, and maybe even write one
• Find and implement social networking opportunities, like Facebook
• Oversee entries into places like CitySearch and Yelp
• Coordinate events, such as participation in the Capitol Hill Artwalk and in-store fundraisers for local charities
• Research information on how to start up a nonprofit foundation
• Help out working in the store

I’m so excited, I can hardly stand it. These are all things I’ve been interested in learning and trying out, and now someone’s giving me the chance to actually do it, and get paid for it.

I go a little crazy when something new comes up that I want to brush up on (or learn entirely). So, of course, when I got the word that I officially had this job, I immediately went to the library website. I put books on hold for marketing, web writing, search engine optimization, web design, and just about everything else I could think of related to this job. I know it’s a little crazy, but gathering knowledge makes me feel good, especially when I have a concrete purpose for having that knowledge.

So now I have to get as much use out of the Adobe Creative Suite as I can before my time here is up. There may be Adobe at the new job, but I doubt it’ll be on a laptop I can take home with me for my extracurricular button project.

Once my commute is half as long, and if my house ever sells, I can save up money to buy myself a new laptop (tablet PC – woohoo!) and put Adobe on it myself.

Maybe I’ll pay for it with button empire income. You never know.

I’m too excited and flibbertijibbety right now to really say anything worthwhile or coherent about it, except YAY!!!

I’ve been using every spare moment lately to make button designs on Photoshop. Well, compiling ideas for buttons and then actually making the button designs. Next, when my circle-punch is ready to pick up, I can actually make the buttons. I can’t wait to see what they actually like under mylar with a little pin-back.

So far I’ve made about 80 button designs. And, if I may say so, I’m pretty darn good at this. And I’m having a ridiculous amount of fun.

Once I actually have buttonized samples of all my buttons, I’ll take pictures of them (using my nifty little photo-studio-in-a-box) and put them on Etsy. It’ll be interesting to see which ones other people like.

It’s so much fun – way more fun than I thought it would be. I get to use some of the billions of fonts and dingbats I’ve been collecting for no apparent reason, and I get to use some of the billions of quotes and sayings I’ve been collecting for no apparent reason, and I get to put them all together into something little that makes me happy. And if it doesn’t turn out how I’d hoped, I can fix it. Or ditch it and move onto the next idea. There’s not a huge investment of time on each button, and it costs nothing to play around with designs on my computer.

Of course, now I’m having second thoughts about wanting to ditch this job so fervently. After all, my work laptop is where Photoshop is, and my workplace is where I frequently have giant swaths of spare time in which to insert button efforts. I wouldn’t be nearly as productive if I had a job that actually required concentration or time.

It’s weird, but I can see myself not getting bored of this, because every button is such a new adventure, and there are so many zillions of ideas out there I still want to try. I could sit here for 10 hours straight just making new buttons, and thinking up new ideas, and figuring out ways to market and sell the buttons. If only it could bring in some decent money. Maybe, someday.

Oh, and it’s not just buttons. I can buy the accessories to turn the buttons into magnets, zipper pulls, key chains, tie-tacks, or earrings. Although 1″ round earrings does seem a little odd.

The Amazing Mr. One-T is also on the button bandwagon. He actually has a real job that demands his attention, so he hasn’t made quite as many buttons as I have, but his are awesome too. Plus, he’s able to make little pictures using Illustrator, so his get a lot more creative than mine.

So, if you have anything you’d like made into a 1″ round object of desire, let me know.

• I got a button making machine! Now I just have to figure out what buttons to make and I can begin building my empire.
• I’m going to a crafting party this weekend, which is exciting, but I have no idea what crafty project to bring. I haven’t done this in a long time. Maybe I’ll bring stuff to make a shadowbox, but I’m not sure yet.
• Starting tomorrow, I get to work at the weirdest show I’ve worked at. Northwest’s largest Anime convention, if you must know. I’m looking forward to the helmets made of aluminum foil and the many, many tails attached to butts.
• I’m getting another freelance proofreading job this afternoon, and it has a very short deadline. Yay for money!
• Today’s Happy Bunny says, “I’m writing a song about you. What rhymes with dorkface?” Good ol’ Happy Bunny.

What’s Bad About My Current Job?                                                                                   

• I have very little respect for my supervisor.
• My commute is driving me insane. It’s 1.5 hours on average, each way, and there’s no way to take a bus. It takes me an hour to get to my carpool buddy.
• I make far less money than I should, especially considering I have a master’s degree and loads of work experience.
• I absolutely hate hassling people to pay their bills.
• Exhibitors can be very rude, demanding, and stupid. Dealing with them makes me want to shoot myself in the face.
• My company is very rigid and inflexible in many ways.

• My company makes poor decisions. For example, they believe in not replacing people who have left, and instead letting the remaining people pick up the slack. I don’t see how they can stay in business much longer.
• I’m not allowed to try out new ways of doing things that I think would make my job easier and make the company more efficient.
• It’s demeaning to still be in this entry level job.
• I have no passion for the trade show industry.
• Most of the people I like have left the company, and the rest will probably leave soon.
• The kit administrator position was offered to me and then taken away, which caused me to not go after some better jobs I likely could’ve gotten, but which are filled now.
• I have a job that requires me to wear a nametag and a polo shirt with a logo on it.
• During busy months, I have to work crazy schedules.
• The cubicle walls are short and flimsy.
• There is nothing challenging about my job.
• There is nothing creative in my job.
• I don’t get nearly enough sick days or vacation days, and they’re distributed piecemeal, so I better not get sick until March. Plus, I have to use them by the end of the calendar year, so I can’t save them up.
• At certain times of the year, I have to work so many hours without breaks that I hardly have time to catch my breath.
• My company is cheap and won’t even spring for a decent holiday party.
• My company promotes people who aren’t good at their jobs or hard workers.
• My job doesn’t really offer transferable skills to anything I ever want to do, as it’s basically customer service, data entry, and collections.
• I rarely get to interact with people who are witty and clever and interesting.
• There’s not really anywhere I want to advance to from this position.
• My company won’t spring for a wireless card so I can actually do my work when I’m at a show or traveling. But they will spend $350 on a dinner and drinks to entertain another city’s clients.
• The new guy makes me want to chew my own face off.

 What’s Good About My Current Job?

• I have the Adobe Creative Suite on my laptop.
• I have a lot of spare time at work that could theoretically be put to good use.
• My work is near my kickboxing studio.
• I like some of the people I work with.
• It’s fun to be part of Team Good Times, even though it has the stupidest name ever, because we get to plan little mini-parties for birthdays and other occasions.
• It’s interesting to see the different kinds of trade shows there are.
• I can occasionally carpool to work.
• I get swag once in a blue moon, and occasionally it’s not total crap.
• There are sometimes opportunities to earn overtime.
• I get to travel once in a while, which means free meals.
• If I’m still here in June, I’ll get to take the train up to Vancouver for a show.
• I can pretty much come and go as I please when I’m working in the office.
• My manager thinks I’m super awesome and wants to make me happy so I won’t leave.
• I know this job.
• Occasionally, an exhibitor really appreciates all the hard work I go through to make them happy, and they express their thanks. Sometimes, they express their thanks with chocolate milkshakes.
• My expenses, like parking, are paid with my company credit card.
• The longer I stay here, the more I build a stable work history, rather than job-hopping every year.
• I can foist off some of the crap jobs I don’t want to do onto the new guy.
• There’s a remote possibility that I’ll get the kit administrator job at some point.
• It pays me money (even if it’s not much) and provides decent medical benefits.

I’ve had a headache for two or three days now. I’ve lost count. I should eat something, but my only choices right now are a nasty Weight Watchers TV dinner or fast food. I’m sure there are other choices, like going to the grocery store and buying stuff to make a healthy lunch, or some crap like that, but those aren’t really options to me right now.

My job is really depressing me lately. I know that’s not really anything new, and I should stop complaining about it. I sent out some more applications this week, but I know I won’t hear back. I never do anymore.

It’s clear I’ll be here until the end of time. Which is very depressing, since I really don’t like anyone who works here anymore. Especially the new guy. He’s just way too in my face all the time. I can’t even sit here and cry, pretending I have allergies. And I can’t give him stuff to do, because I can’t trust him to do it even partially correctly. And I have to go sometime soon and talk to my manager about my review. I’m sure everyone said that I have no personality, that I obviously don’t care about my job, and that I don’t participate in things like holiday parties. All true.

And now I’ve pretty much convinced myself that I’ll never be my own boss, under any circumstances. I don’t have enough talent or motivation to  make any money at crafts. And I obviously don’t have enough self-discipline or confidence to make any money at writing. And since nobody in the free world wants to hire me for anything involving an actual paycheck, I guess I’m stuck here. It’s frustrating, because even when I apply for a job when I exactly fit all of their requirements, I hear nothing. It seems like they’d at least want to meet me in person before deciding that I totally suck and can’t possibly do the job. On paper, I can totally do it.

Sometimes, the realization that I’m stuck in my current job isn’t so bad. Sometimes, I’m able to appreciate the advantages of working here, and I’m able to retain some shred of hope that it will get better eventually. But this week, it’s bad. The advantages are heartily crushed by the disadvantages, even by just the overall feeling of crap I have when I’m here. The hope is gone, withered under the unkind glare of self-knowledge. And then, to make it all worse, I write pathetic half-metaphors that make no sense and only make me sound like I’m trying to appear smarter than I am.

I have plenty of free time in the evenings this week, alone in my house with the dogs, but all I end up wanting to do is watch TV or go to bed at 7:00. So, this week I get to come to terms with a bunch of ugly facts about myself. I’m fat, lazy, and unemployable.

I know this feeling of total despair will lessen at some point, but that doesn’t make it any less painful and miserable right now.