This is a crochet pattern for sale on an eBay listing, which may or may not still be there by the time you read this.

Thank you to Beebs for bringing this to my attention. =)

This has been a very buttony weekend.

Yesterday I spent a good portion of the day designing new buttons, and then using my brand new circle punch (which is awesome) to cut out the designs that already got printed. Then I used my lovely little button making machine (which is also awesome) to make a bunch of buttons. Then I set up my photo-studio-in-a-box (again, awesome) and took pictures of all the buttons I’ve made so far.

I used little plastic dinosaurs to prop up the buttons. I stumbled on this idea when One-T needed me to take pictures of plastic dinosaurs for him, and I like it. Plus, the dinosaurs enjoy helping out and getting their faces out there. It’s a win-win.

Today, I uploaded the pictures to my photo gallery, then added captions. The captions basically just say what the button says, in case you can’t tell from the thumbnail and you don’t want to click on the link to find out.

Check ‘em out!

I’d love to get feedback on which buttons you like the best, and also if you have suggestions for improvements. Or if you have requests for new buttons. I’ve already gotten quite a few super ideas from Feazle, and they’ll appear in future batches o’buttons.

And some of the buttons are by the Amazing Mr. One-T. I think, if you click on the picture, it should say somewhere in the caption if it’s by One-T. If it doesn’t say it’s by One-T, the default is by Me.

Have I mentioned how much fun this is?

Soon, I’ll post some buttons to Etsy, once I set the prices and write copy and have all the packaging ready to go. I did some mall scouting yesterday and found that significantly less interesting buttons are selling for $1.75-$2.00 in stores. I’m thinking of doing $1.50 each or 4 for $5 to start, and see how that goes. Oh, and I have to figure out how much postage will cost. So many little details!

I’m glad I have this distraction right now, because it’s keeping me from being too obsessive about the job search. The interview I had on Friday was fantastic (at least, it seemed that way to me), and I really REALLY want that job now. But she had another interview to do, and then she’ll be out of town for a week, so I have a long time to sit and fret about it. But I want to get the job NOW so I can start planning and thinking up ideas and getting excited about it.

But this post isn’t about the job search or my inability to stop thinking about that one job. Rather, it’s about buttons. My super neato buttons that are going to make me rich. Or at least entertain me until I run out of ideas. But as I have a list of ideas that’s currently 17 pages long, single spaced, 11-point font, I don’t think that’ll happen any time soon.

First, we have the women with a grudge against how men pee. According to Mothers Against Peeing Standing Up (www.mapsu.org), it’s unclean and rude for guys to pee standing up. Tiny pee particles get everywhere, and then their mommies have to clean it up, which destroys families and causes nations to go to war.

Seriously, you can buy t-shirts and stickers and mugs from these people to support their cause and remind you to change your evil peeing ways. The delusional people here say that their goal is “to transform the way the world goes to the bathroom by year 2010.” They even go so far as to have a Yellow Ribbon Campaign, in case you want to equate their lofty mission with the plight of soldiers overseas.  In a similar camp, but with a tenuous link to backwater science, is Nature’s Platform (www.naturesplatform.com). (I wonder if these two groups have heard of each other. If locked in a cage together, would they get along or fight to the death? But I digress.) Nature’s Platform is basically a frame made of plywood and PVC pipe that you put around your toilet so you can poop in the squatting position. According to their website, people will be miraculously cured of appendicitis, diverticulosis, hemorrhoids, colitis, prostate disorders, and colon cancer if only they pretend they’re pooping in the woods. Imagine bringing the joys of camping into your own home! They have an impressive array of endorsements, including a Knight of Malta, a man with a PhD in yoga, and a naturopathic doctor who looks like a back-up dancer for Rick James. One woman proudly proclaims that “Nature’s Platform has taught me to listen to my muscles which announce the action of elimination.”  I understand that 2/3 of the world’s population uses the squatting position for all their elimination needs. And maybe it helps them avoid hemorrhoids and colon cancer. But it seems to me that those same people have much bigger problems, like AIDS and famine and swatting flies off their babies, so maybe we shouldn’t so readily compare our situations to theirs. Maybe it’s something else besides how we poop that predisposes us for these diseases. Maybe something like eating crap food and living a sedentary lifestyle.  And true, our ancestors pooped on the ground. They also died by age thirty and used teeth for currency. And it’s not like they had the choice to sit on a toilet. Even if they’d had porcelain and indoor plumbing, I doubt they’d take the time for a leisurely sit when lions and bears were trying to eat them. And if we’re so keen on the pooping habits of cavemen, where are the leaves? I don’t think Neanderthal Man had access to toilet paper. Apparently, one of the drawbacks of the platform system is mess when using it for urination. I guess the squatting puts your bum into a bit of a hover over the toilet, so the makers of Pooping’s Best Friend recommend use of a funnel or some other kind of spray shield. I wonder what the MAPSU nutcases would have to say about this. Certainly seems unclean, but maybe it evens the playing field, gender-wise. With Nature’s Platform, now women can make a big tinkle mess too!

I’ve never lived alone for more than a week. That’s a pretty sad fact for a so-called grown up, but it’s true. I’ve never had a place truly mine, and only mine. No parents, no roommates, no husbands or anyone of any kind. Just me. Just mine.

Gradually, things have been occurring to me. Little things about how it will be when I have a place of my own.

Things like a refrigerator filled with only the foods that I like. A spice cupboard that has taco seasoning and garlic powder and whole peppercorns and cumin, but no ancho chile powder or anise or carroway seeds.

Dishes and glasses and silverware that are purely a reflection of what I like, rather than a compromise with someone else’s tastes, or a projection of the perfect home, or hand-me-downs that I’ve never liked. Pots and pans that I actually use. Placemats that I love to look at. Furniture that’s comfortable and exactly what I want.

I know a lot of these things will depend on finances, having enough money to upgrade the things I’ll already have to things that I love, but that’ll come with time. I’ll be in complete control of money going in and out, and that’s a wonderful feeling.

Oh, and the colors. I can have colors. Any colors I want. Every color. Red, blue, green, yellow. Black and white. And it doesn’t matter if anyone else likes it or not. It just has to make me happy, make me like being at home.

I can have a knife set that looks like a person being stabbed.

I can have coat hooks that look like darts.

I can have a beaded “Cram It” curtain.

I can have a giant beanbag instead of a couch.

If you’ve lived on your own, set up your own home just to suit your own needs, or even set up a home as the dominant person in a relationship, making the decisions and having nearly everything arranged to your specifications, you can’t comprehend this feeling.

It’s like I never knew that the world could be this open, this full of possibilities. And that’s just in decorating an apartment. I can’t wait for other choices to open up to me as well.

Just walking through the Trouser Socks aisle of JC Penney makes me itchy and nervous. If I ever have a job that requires not only trousers but a special kind of boring sock to accompany them, that will be the day I weep for my lost youth.

Although I’m partial to the sock art of Happy Bunny, it’s not an exclusive deal.

The genius who brought us Happy Bunny also has some other favorites of mine: Meany Doodles, Dog of Glee, and Sweety Puss are good ones, but he has a bunch of others too. Of course, these aren’t all available in sock form, but it’s my blog and I can digress if I want to.

This isn’t really a post about socks anymore, but about my mission to incorporate nasty little bits of humor into my life in a defiant stance against stale and musty adulthood.

So, back to my commercial. If you like Jim Benton’s snarky cartoon characters, here are a few others worth checking out:

David & Goliath
Angry Little Girls
ULB

Oh, and back to the sock thing. Here’s a sampling of some of my own sock drawer favorites:

Boys are strong. Bury them deep.
Like I need your approval.
Hooray for guys with money.
I’m a nice person. Come closer.
Pyscho-licious (and yes, the socks really are spelled that way)

This site never fails to get a smile. There’s just something about kittens with bad grammar that I’m powerless to resist.

Side note: It’s a proven scientific fact that kittens make people happy. How else can you explain the episode of Scrubs where JD saves a man dying of a broken heart by emptying a box of kittens on his face?

So far, they only offer the one story with fairies, but this month a pirate story is coming out! And the price seems reasonable for what you get. If only my nephews hadn’t grown up so fast.

Found via Photojojo.