• Our Artwalk isn’t happening tonight. Well, it’s happening, but not at my store. The artist was in a car accident. I’m glad I won’t have to stay here until 9 tonight, but it’s too bad about his accident.
• My ex is “seeing someone” and I’m very happy for him. Really!
• I have to write press releases, and I don’t wanna. I don’t know  how and I just want a formula to use, but there isn’t one. Ack.
• There is a radio station that has played the theme song to Welcome Back Kotter two days in a row. There should be laws against that.
• I have four million things to do at work, but my brain doesn’t want to focus on any of them. I need brainless work today. Searching the internet and gathering crap that I’ll look at later kind of work. Not writing press releases and designing postcards work.
• I love my puppies, and I’m going to do some heavy-duty grieving when the time comes that I don’t get to see them every week.
• I had a very nice lunch with Ms Monkey today. I love my friends. This divorce has really made me realize who my true friends are, and I cherish them even more than I did before. There aren’t very many, but they make up for it in awesomeness.
• I must get revised button pics uploaded, so I can start Etsying them at some point. Too much to do!

1. Freezing to death in Central Park, despite the furry deerstalker hats.

2. Becoming addicted to Webkinz in Huntsville, and then spending large chunks of the day glued to separate computers.

3. Entering our hotel room at the Paramount in NYC and learning that our room’s magnificently large art canvas headboard was blank.

4. Discovering the horror of rednecks who still talk about “them colored folks” at the Chili’s in Huntsville.

5. My graceful face-plant on Halsted Street in Chicago, followed by the nastiest black knee-bruises known to mankind.

6. Having 11-year-old versions of ourselves drawn by a man on the verge of a brawl in Times Square.

7. Inventing, naming, and drinking tasty alcoholic beverages in NYC, and repeating the process on every other trip.

8. Drinking glasses and rave teeth in Huntsville.

9. Wearing gorgeous false eyelashes in the Big Apple, but having tons more fun subsequently attaching them to our recently-drawn portrait in various arrangements.

10. Laughing until we cried over Pam’s bat story in Chicago.

Everyone knows that life changes in all kinds of ways when you get a divorce, but I’m still surprised by some of the things that come up.

I knew that I would lose most of the “joint friends,” or at least I thought I knew, but I guess some part of me thought they’d still want to have something to do with me. I admit I haven’t been very good at keeping up the communication, but it’s frustrating that it’s entirely up to me. I mean, I do have one or two things going on in my life right now.

I understand that I won’t be invited to larger events where certain soon-to-be-former-spouses will be in attendance, but a quick hello now and then would have been nice. I did get one or two such acknowledgements of my existence early on, but my responses apparently weren’t riveting enough, because there’s been nothing since.

I’m not complaining, and I don’t fault these people for it at all. I know it’s almost a necessity to take sides in situations like this, and I understand why they haven’t taken my side. I don’t expect it to be any other way. But it still hurts.

At least I do have a few people who have stuck by me, who’ve forced me to not close myself off from human contact, who’ve persisted in keeping in touch with me because they know I have a hard time doing it myself, what with all the shame and guilt I feel about my marriage ending. And the friendship of these few is even more special and appreciated because of the contrast with everyone I’ve lost. So if you’re one of the people who hasn’t given up on me, thank you. It means everything to me.

The other thing about this whole divorce saga that has surprised me is the kind of grief I’m feeling. I wasn’t happy for a long time, but it’s still hard to suddenly switch gears from sharing a life together (no matter how problematic that life is) to being acquaintances who can’t even hug each other anymore.

In divorce, you lose the person who always had your back, publicly at least. The two-become-one thing disintegrates, and you’re suddenly alone again. You lose the dream, the potential. The hope that everything will magically get better someday.

You grieve for the years lost, wasted even, and you wonder if any relationship can last. And, at the most ridiculous times, you remember little private jokes, secrets, the kinds of things best friends share, and you know they’re gone forever.

And even though things were bad a lot of the time, there were still good bits. There was laughter and closeness and most of all friendship.

Even though I know without doubt that I made the right decision, I didn’t expect to have so many regrets and feel such a sense of loss.

I’m hoping that, once the house sells and I can actually get started on my new life as an independent person, I won’t dwell on all this garbage as much. I can’t wait for that to happen.