This will be my ninth book. Because I’m desperate for content, and because it’s as good an excuse as any to figure out how to stick images in here, here’s a look back at the first eight novels I proofread.

1. To Sleep with Evil by Andria Cardarelle

2. Unclean by Richard Lee Byers

3. Scream of Stone by Philip Athans

4. Dragons of the Highlord Skies by Margaret Weis & Tracy Hickman

5. The Orc King by R.A. Salvatore

6. Firefly Rain by Richard Dansky

7. Neversfall by Ed Gentry

8. Morningtide, by Cory J. Herndon & Scott McGough

 (Hey, it looks like I figured out how to add pictures.)

(If you have no idea what I’m talking about and think I’ve lost my mind, you might be right. But first read yesterday’s blog entry, as it might clear up at least the first part.)

The enneagram types are placed around a circle in a particular order, with lines and arrows going every which way. If you want to know the details, read the book or look online or something (if you do look online, you’ll notice that some of the type names are different — Mediator is called Peacemaker, for example).

The two types next to yours are the wings, and they share significant similarities. As a Mediator, my two wings are the Perfectionist and the Protector.

Mediators and Perfectionists both easily forget or suppress their own needs, and they both value steadiness, organization, and harmony. However, Perfectionists hold to their positions rigidly, expecting others to change, while Mediators readily adapt to accommodate others’ positions, often losing sight of their own.

The other wing, the Protector, is like the Mediator in that both respond with gut reactions, seek comfort, and get diverted from essential priorities. The key difference is that Protectors welcome conflict and even anger, while Mediators avoid these. Protectors are decisive, but Mediators defer to others.

On the circle, the two types with the crazy pointing arrows are the security and stress types. That is, one is the way you act when secure, and the other is the way you act when you’re stressed. The Mediator’s security type is the Performer. This means that Mediators, when feeling secure, act more like Performers (more singularly focused on their own goals, more efficient, and more image-oriented).

The Mediator’s stress type is the Loyal Skeptic. So, when Mediators are feeling stress, they become fearful, questioning, and wary, like Loyal Skeptics. But Mediators go along with others before testing and questioning, while Loyal Skeptics test and question before going along with others.

So, as you can see, I’m a doormat. But I’m working on it and getting better.

Here are some highlights from my other major types, just because I can’t stop talking about myself.

The Epicure:

• I learned to protect myself from limitations and pain by imagining many fascinating possibilities for the future. I became a glutton for interesting ideas and experiences.
• My attention is on fascinating ideas, plans, options, projects. Interconnections and interrelationships among diverse areas of information and knowledge.
• I’m stressed by the overload that results from trying to sample all that life has to offer.
• I’m angered by constraints or limits that prevent me from getting what I want.
• I need to practice working on one thing at a time until it’s completed. Live life more fully in the present moment and less in the future.

The Observer:

• I learned to protect myself from intrusive demands and being drained of my resources by becoming private and self-sufficient. I do this by accumulating a lot of knowledge.
• I put my energy into learning all there is to know about a subject. Maintaining sufficient privacy, boundaries, and limits.
• I do everything I can to avoid feelings of inadequacy and emptiness.
• I am stressed out by trying to learn everything there is to know before taking action.
• I am upset when I don’t have enough private time to restore my energy.

So, in conclusion, I’m a reclusive doormat with a short attention span. Aren’t you glad you’re my friend?

First is the way it explains how the different personality types are related to each other, which I’ll get to later.

The other thing is the basic proposition of the whole thing. Each of the types is defined by the fundamental principle this person has lost sight of, what she came to believe instead, and the strategy she developed to cope with this belief. Again, I’ll explain more later.

First, a little overview.

According to this particular system, there are nine personality types: Perfectionist, Giver, Performer, Romantic, Observer, Loyal Skeptic, Epicure, Protector, and Mediator. I’m not going to go into detail on all of them, because that’s what the book is for, and I really don’t want my post to be 109 pages long, and I suspect you don’t want that either.

Instead, I’ll talk about my dominant type and explain all the cool things I learned about myself, and if you want to know more you can go check out the book. Because seriously, this blog is all about me.

My top three types came out to be Mediator, Epicure, and Observer, and as I read the descriptions of them, it’s really hard for me to nail one down as dominant, because I’m such a complex and beautiful creature. I see myself in all three to a great extent.

But for the purposes of this little lesson in enneagrammatics, I’ll go with Mediator, because it ranked slightly above the other two.

According to the little book, as a Mediator, I have lost sight of the fact that “everyone belongs equally in a state of unconditional love and union,” which sounds like sappy gibberish to me, but I’ll go with it. It gets better in a bit.

What I came to believe instead was that “the world makes people unimportant and requires them to blend in, which provides them with a sense of comfort and belonging.” Hmm. Getting better, but not quite how I’d sum up my life.

The strategy I developed to cope with this belief: “I learned to forget myself and merge with others. I substituted inessentials and small comforts for real priorities.” Now we’re getting somewhere. Of course, it’s kinda painful to see some of my major shortcomings laid out like that, but this is for science.

And here’s where it gets really eerie. Because of this strategy, my attention is on “other’s agendas, requests, and demands” and “all the things in the environment that beckon.” I put my energy into “being sensitive to others and trying to please them,” “containing anger,” “maintaining peace and quiet,” and “doing the less essential and comforting activities rather than the more important and more disturbing ones.”

I do everything I can to avoid conflict, confrontation, and feeling uncomfortable. My strengths are supportiveness, accountability, and being adaptive, accepting, and receptive.

Stress is caused by taking a position, or saying no to someone and having that person get angry. I’m angered when I’m treated as not important or forced to face conflict. My anger manifests itself as stubbornness or resistance, occasionally boiling over and exploding.

(If you know me at all, you should be nodding right now.)

And then it goes on to tell me how to further my personal development, which basically entails paying attention to my own needs and accepting discomfort as a natural part of life. Oh, and I need to pay attention to my real priorities, rather than giving everything equal importance.

And here’s the definition of my real friends, the people I’ve been surrounding myself with lately (it’s disguised as “how others can support my development,” but I know it’s just a description of my few wonderful friends — probably the only people who read this thing): “Encourage me to express my own position. Ask me what I want and what is good for me, and give me time to figure out the answer. Support me when I act responsibly toward myself. Allow me to acknowledge my anger. Encourage me to set and keep my own boundaries, limits, and priorities.”

Apparently, I’m not a lost cause yet!

Okay, I think I’ve written enough on this topic for now. I’ll get into the rest of the enneagram stuff next time, in the greatly anticipated sequel.

Actually, the book is more like a picture book, with each page containing a drawing accompanied by a sentence or two of text.

But I’m still a genius.

The book provides gives a long list of things you can do to avoid doing the creative things you dream of doing, and for me it did a great job of pointing out the self-destructive habits I have that get in the way of living the life I want to live.

There are more than a hundred of these little guys, but I want to share the ones that really yanked me by the earlobes and said, “Hey! I’m talkin’ to you!” They’re listed here in the same order they appear in the book:

• Make your first project really big.
• Compare your work to the masterworks of the great masters.
• Be in a big hurry.
• Assume that your dream will be much too expensive and beyond your reach.
• Slide into despair rather than take one small exploratory action.
• Talk about it so you don’t have to do it.
• Consider the odds against whatever you make ever selling.
• Demand that what you do be absolutely original, totally brilliant, and ever done before.
• Demand 15 hours of free time to create, so you can ignore the 15 minutes you’ve got.
• Help others to formulate a step-by-step approach for manifesting their dreams.
• The minute you have an idea, ask yourself: How much cold, hard cash is it worth?
• Focus on how much is left, not on how much is done.
• Under no circumstances make any art just for fun.
• Focus on your future as a homeless person, caused by your pursuing your dream.
• Tell yourself you need to relax instead of create. Tell yourself you’ll write later.
• Get your main sense of self worth helping others instead of facing the blank page.
• Tell yourself you need your family’s approval.
• Tell yourself your work isn’t good enough to finish or frame. Explain to everyone that you’re not “really” an artist.
• Tell yourself if you have free time, you should do something productive.
• Rather than make art, read about art.
• Let the fear of freelance health care costs drive you back to corporate life.
• Decide to learn everything about critical theory regarding your art form of choice.
• Think about your art instead of doing it.
• Hide from the crazymakers in your life instead of setting boundaries. Hiding makes it hard to do your art.

Well, it probably goes without saying that today is one of those scattered days. I want to suck all the information in the world into my brain all at once, and settling on only one thing to think about or learn just isn’t acceptable.

Let me share with you some of the things that are bubbling around in my head right now.

First, I have checked out from the library, as usual, far more books than I could ever hope to read. It’s a sickness. But at least it keeps me from purchasing all those books and sending myself to the poorhouse. (Wait, I think I already am in the poor house, but that’s beside the point.) Here are just a few of the books currently littering my bed, floor, car, desk, and bookbag: Digital Designs for Scrapbooking, The Rough Guide to Ebay, 8 Minutes in the Morning to a Flat Belly, The Little Capoeira Book, Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell (book on CD format), and Quick and Healthy Cooking for Dummies.

Oh, but there’s more. Here are a few of the books I’ve put on hold at the library: 201 Icebreakers, Get Hired Fast, and The Dangerous Book for Boys.

Naturally, I’m currently reading a book that I didn’t even get from the library, but bought at Half Price Books many moons ago, and yesterday I decided to rescue it from my bookshelf of neglected books, which includes books about career tests, the advantages of being an introvert, boosting creativity, things to do in Seattle, and endless other topics.

There are 358 items on my list entitled “Big List of Things to Write About.”

My To-Do list is three pages long and includes everything from filling out my absentee ballot to learning how to use the edit features in Adobe Acrobat.

Oh, and there are about 700 ebooks I want to write. And I have 18 jobs in my stack of jobs to apply for. I’ve already applied for 10 this week, but I keep finding more!

Luckily, my actual paying (ha) job requires minimal thinking and effort, so I can zip through most of that work in drone mode.

So, here I sit. Writing about how many ideas and thoughts and plans I have, and yet still not making headway on any of them.

Oh, but I have succeeded in picking out most of the cashews from my Costco jug of Extra Fancy Mixed Nuts. At least there’s that.