I feel like crap and I’m not sure why. Emotionally, not physically.

It’s not like my life is any worse than it’s been for the last year and a half. I still live with my mom. I’m still adjusting to losing most of my friends in the divorce. I still hate my job. I’m still unable to get even an interview for the most menial jobs that only require a high school diploma. My house still won’t sell, which means I still have no money. I’m still fat and incapable of bringing myself to do anything about it.

Maybe what’s bothering me so much is the fact that all of these things were only supposed to be temporary, but they’re looking to be permanent now. This life was tolerable when I thought it was temporary. But now I don’t see that it’s ever going to change.

Or maybe I just need to get back on my happy pills. Or maybe I’ll feel better later. Or maybe I’ll drop dead tomorrow and none of this will have mattered.

Right now, I have a hard time even caring about that. There are jobs to apply for, but I don’t see the point in bothering with it, so I probably won’t even apply. It’s just wasted time and energy. Not that I’m using my time or energy for anything else worthwhile. I’m completely disinterested in kickboxing or anything else that might help me lose weight. The good thing is that I don’t feel like eating either. I only eat either when it’s socially dicated or when my headache gets so bad I can’t avoid it anymore. I don’t even want to watch TV or read. I just want to go to bed and sleep. Sleep is where I don’t have to think about anything.

I keep thinking I need a vacation, but that won’t change anything. After vacations, things are always even worse when I have to re-enter the real world.

And now I’m annoying myself with all this Poor Me crap. I have a job. I have a place to live. I have a couple good friends. And my health is fine. I should just shut up and be glad for what I have.